Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death." says the second.
"That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first.
"It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second.
"I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head.
"that's so ironic" he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

---

One afternoon, Jake is driving down a highway to spend some time at a lake and relax. On his way to the lake, he spots a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway, gesturing for him to stop.

Jake rolls down his window and asks, "How can I help you?"

"I'm the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?" the guy in red says.

Smiling, Jake hands the guy a sandwich and drives away. A few short minutes later, Jake comes across another guy. This guy is dressed completely in yellow, and he's standing on the side, motioning for Jake to stop.

Slightly annoyed, Jake stops, rolls down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?"

"I'm the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?" the guy in yellow asks.

Barely managing a smile, Jake hands the guy a can of soda and takes off again. Wanting to reach the lake before sunset, he decides to go faster and not stop, no matter what.

Much to his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road. This guy is dressed in blue and is signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, Jake stops one last time, rolls down his window, and screams, "Let me guess. You must be the blue jerk of the highway. Just what the hell do you wanna have?"

"Driver's license and registration, please!"

---

A man asks his native friend, “How do the natives name their offspring?”

The native friend explains, “Whenever a baby is born, his father wanders outside, absorbs the wonder of nature and then names his child after the first thing he sees. When my brother was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing my father saw was a beautiful red deer running off into the forest... and so he was named Running Red Deer. When my sister was born, she was named White Snow Gently Falling because that was the first thing my father saw when he looked out of the tent.” He then asks the man, “ Why are you asking?”

“I’m just curious, Two Dogs Fcking.”

---

This one's creative :)

A girl from Tibet went to Shanghai for job interview. To test her English, the boss ask her to create sentences with, Green, Pink,Yellow, Blue, White,Purple and Black.

She answered: I hear phone Green Green, then I Pink up the phone and say Yellow, Blues that? White did you say, oh wrong number, don't Purplely disturb people and don't call black again ok?





Boss say: You can go Black and wait for phone green green.