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This little boy goes up to his dad and he says "Dad?, What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?&qu
So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and the mother replies "Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good looking!"
So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies "He is so ****ing fine, of course I would!"
Then last but no least he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says "Of course I would, who wouldn't for a million bucks?"
So he goes up to his dad and says "I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically&quo
"Well, potentially we're sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 bitches and a fag!"
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A husband and his wife are sharing a bottle of wine when he says, "I bet you can't say something that makes me both happy and sad."
She thought for a moment then says, "Your dick is bigger than your brother's."
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Many peeple been asking Lin Peh to teach them the Art of Dating. So, today Lin Peh will give you a summary about what you should expect when dating with chicks from different race.
Chineses Piaomei
First date
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Again, Nothing Happens!
Third date
You usually don't get up to third date beacuse you are smart enough to realize that
nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN MINACHI
First date
Meet her parents.
Second date
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date
Wedding night.
MALAY MINAH
First date
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third Date
She moves in.
One week later, her father, , her 4 mother, her 18 sisters, her 20 brothers, all of their kids, her 16 grandmas, her father's girlfriend's mother, her 268 cousins all move in.
But don't worry you can repeat this 4 times. ;-)
WHITE MARY
First Date
You both get drunk and have sex.
Second Date
You both get drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary
You both get drunk and have sex.
ARAB AL-KATIJAH
First Date
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Second Date
You are shot dead.
Third date
Not Applicable
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A boy was sitting in school, and he asked the teacher if he could go to the bathroom.
The teacher asked him to recite his ABC's.
"ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQR
The teacher asked, "Where is the 'P'?"
The boy replied, "Dripping down my leg."
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An American tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed two statues, a man and a woman by the altar.
He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensures that the universal balance was maintained.
“This statue of the woman is the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan-Yin.”
“What about the other one?” asked the tourist.
“This one is the God of No Mercy, Kuan-Yew."
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A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating centre and registered his qualifications.
He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favoured formal attire, and was very small.
The computer operated faultlessly.
It sent him a penguin.
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Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $20," the teacher began," and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered.
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Little Georgie watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Georgie found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Georgie, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Georgie to tell his story. Georgie started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.
"Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army!"
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The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called
for a family meeting.
Dad: People, this is unacceptable. You've to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work
telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our workplace telephones.
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Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
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Two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One is walking a tightrope. The other is getting a blowjob by a 90-year-old woman.
Both get the exact same thought at the exact same time.
"Don't look down."