Tomorrow is a Saturday.
And guess what? I need to haul my ass back to camp.
Sian .. really no life liao lah.
One of my friends has decided to become Love Guru for a day and post me this few jokes about Love and Marriage. So yeah ..
---
Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
---
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
---
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
---
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
---
Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
---
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is 'Don't you think you've had enough!'.
---
---
Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
---
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
---
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
---
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
---
Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
---
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is 'Don't you think you've had enough!'.
---
Absolutely Hilarious Indian Music Video - Watch more Free Videos
For a spot of humor .. :)
---
The person who tagged:
六月.
2) Your relationship with him/her is:
Friend?
3) Your five impressions of him/her:
- like to think too much sometimes.
- a bit sot at times also .. hehehe.
- rather bimbotic =P
- Always with a smile [ at least, when I see her? Hahaha! ]
- Quite religious also?
4) The most memorable thing that he/she had done for you:
Er .. Beancurd at Serangoon gardens? LOL!
5) The most memorable thing that he/she had said to you:
Er .. er ... errrrrrr ..
6) If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
probably end up being a henpecked boyfriend. [ Wait, this sounds very wrong! ]
7) If he/she becomes your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
to concentrate on the things that really matter to her and not worry about every single small detail.
8) If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
Get ready for war!
9) If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
She did something very wrong to me.
10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
Er .. can I skip this question? =P I donno what to say, hahaha!
11) Your overall impression of him/her is:
Cheerful, understanding .. yeah.
12) How you think people around you will feel about you?
Lame ass?
13) The characteristics you love of yourself are:
The ability to look at the good of a person, no matter how F***ed up he/she is?
14) On the contrary, the characteristics you hate of yourself are:
I procrastinate too much.
15) The most ideal person you want to be is:
Myself!
16) For people who care for and like you, say something to them:
I LOVE YOU GUYS! [ And Girls also lah. =P ]
17) Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you?
[ It's in random order, so don't think so much. LOL! ]
- Rain
- Jolynn
- Johnny
- Joei
- Andy
- Sheen Li
- Sheen Ee
- Milk
- Rudolph
- Hua Liang
18) Who is no.6 having relationship with?
She's my niece.
19) Is no. 9 a male or female?
Male?
20) If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
HELL NO!
22) What is no.2 studying about?
She's studying about children!
23) When is the last time you had a chat with no.3?
That ... was some millenia ago. HAHAHAHA!
24) What kind of music band does no.8 like?
He likes a wide range of music ..
25) Does no.1 have any siblings?
Yeah, a tomboy. Hahahaha!
26) Will you woo no.3?
O.o NO.
27) How about no.7?
Also my niece lah! -.-
28) Is no.4 single?
I think he isn't ...
29) What is the surname of no.5?
Mr Wong.
30) What's the hobby for no.4?
Eh .. Porn? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
31) Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
They don't know each other!
32) Where is no.2 studying at?
NP.
33) Say something casual about no.1:
Eh .. Dota freak. :)
34) Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
I could try .. and kill myself if I ever think of doing that -.-
35) Where does no.9 live at?
CCK.
36) What colour does no.3 like?
Should be black, but wait, that's not a color!
37) Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
More like goddaugther and grandfather. :)
38) Does no. 1 have any pets?
Nah.
39) Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
I can think of better examples ..
40) What is no. 10 doing now?
Should be back in bunk .. doing .. something? Hahaha!
---
The person who tagged:
六月.
2) Your relationship with him/her is:
Friend?
3) Your five impressions of him/her:
- like to think too much sometimes.
- a bit sot at times also .. hehehe.
- rather bimbotic =P
- Always with a smile [ at least, when I see her? Hahaha! ]
- Quite religious also?
4) The most memorable thing that he/she had done for you:
Er .. Beancurd at Serangoon gardens? LOL!
5) The most memorable thing that he/she had said to you:
Er .. er ... errrrrrr ..
6) If he/she becomes your lover, you will:
probably end up being a henpecked boyfriend. [ Wait, this sounds very wrong! ]
7) If he/she becomes your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be:
to concentrate on the things that really matter to her and not worry about every single small detail.
8) If he/she becomes your enemy, you will:
Get ready for war!
9) If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
She did something very wrong to me.
10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
Er .. can I skip this question? =P I donno what to say, hahaha!
11) Your overall impression of him/her is:
Cheerful, understanding .. yeah.
12) How you think people around you will feel about you?
Lame ass?
13) The characteristics you love of yourself are:
The ability to look at the good of a person, no matter how F***ed up he/she is?
14) On the contrary, the characteristics you hate of yourself are:
I procrastinate too much.
15) The most ideal person you want to be is:
Myself!
16) For people who care for and like you, say something to them:
I LOVE YOU GUYS! [ And Girls also lah. =P ]
17) Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you?
[ It's in random order, so don't think so much. LOL! ]
- Rain
- Jolynn
- Johnny
- Joei
- Andy
- Sheen Li
- Sheen Ee
- Milk
- Rudolph
- Hua Liang
18) Who is no.6 having relationship with?
She's my niece.
19) Is no. 9 a male or female?
Male?
20) If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
HELL NO!
22) What is no.2 studying about?
She's studying about children!
23) When is the last time you had a chat with no.3?
That ... was some millenia ago. HAHAHAHA!
24) What kind of music band does no.8 like?
He likes a wide range of music ..
25) Does no.1 have any siblings?
Yeah, a tomboy. Hahahaha!
26) Will you woo no.3?
O.o NO.
27) How about no.7?
Also my niece lah! -.-
28) Is no.4 single?
I think he isn't ...
29) What is the surname of no.5?
Mr Wong.
30) What's the hobby for no.4?
Eh .. Porn? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
31) Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
They don't know each other!
32) Where is no.2 studying at?
NP.
33) Say something casual about no.1:
Eh .. Dota freak. :)
34) Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
I could try .. and kill myself if I ever think of doing that -.-
35) Where does no.9 live at?
CCK.
36) What colour does no.3 like?
Should be black, but wait, that's not a color!
37) Are no.5 and 1 best friends?
More like goddaugther and grandfather. :)
38) Does no. 1 have any pets?
Nah.
39) Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
I can think of better examples ..
40) What is no. 10 doing now?
Should be back in bunk .. doing .. something? Hahaha!
I didn't think much of my blog song when I first heard of it, BUT, now that I have the lyrics .. I must say: It's quite cheeky! =P
---
Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet
Pretty woman
I don't believe you, you're not the truth
No one could look as good as you
Mercy
Pretty woman, won't you pardon me
Pretty woman, I couldn't help see
Pretty woman
That you look lovely as can be
Are you lonely just like me
Wow
Pretty woman, stop a while
Pretty woman, talk a while
Pretty woman, gave your smile to me
Pretty woman, yeah yeah yeah
Pretty woman, look my way
Pretty woman, say you'll stay with me
'Cause I need you, I'll treat you right
Come to me baby, be mine tonight
Pretty woman, don't walk on by
Pretty woman, don't make me cry
Pretty woman, don't walk away, hey...okay
If that's the way it must be, okay
I guess I'll go on home, it's late
There'll be tomorrow night, but wait
What do I see
Is she walking back to me
Yeah, she's walking back to me
Oh, oh, Pretty woman
---
And yes, if anyone is going to b**** [ I have kids reading my blog, LOL! ] about why I'm always listening to oldies .. DON'T.
Thank you. :)
---
And here's a joke :) [ Warning: some sexual references. ][ From 1jokeaday.blogspot.com ]
---
A man and a woman had been dating for about a year, and their relationship was getting serious. The man proposed marriage, and she accepted. However, she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby's. He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn't matter to him. He told her that his penis was also like a baby's. She said that she loved him and that size didn't matter.
Come the day of their wedding, all went well. That night, the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at a resort hotel. The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby.
"Don't worry, honey," he said.
She took her nightgown off, and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen. He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby.
As he took his pants off, the new bride said, "Good God Almighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby."
"It is," he said. "9 pounds and 21 inches long!"
---
---
Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet
Pretty woman
I don't believe you, you're not the truth
No one could look as good as you
Mercy
Pretty woman, won't you pardon me
Pretty woman, I couldn't help see
Pretty woman
That you look lovely as can be
Are you lonely just like me
Wow
Pretty woman, stop a while
Pretty woman, talk a while
Pretty woman, gave your smile to me
Pretty woman, yeah yeah yeah
Pretty woman, look my way
Pretty woman, say you'll stay with me
'Cause I need you, I'll treat you right
Come to me baby, be mine tonight
Pretty woman, don't walk on by
Pretty woman, don't make me cry
Pretty woman, don't walk away, hey...okay
If that's the way it must be, okay
I guess I'll go on home, it's late
There'll be tomorrow night, but wait
What do I see
Is she walking back to me
Yeah, she's walking back to me
Oh, oh, Pretty woman
---
And yes, if anyone is going to b**** [ I have kids reading my blog, LOL! ] about why I'm always listening to oldies .. DON'T.
Thank you. :)
---
And here's a joke :) [ Warning: some sexual references. ][ From 1jokeaday.blogspot.com ]
---
A man and a woman had been dating for about a year, and their relationship was getting serious. The man proposed marriage, and she accepted. However, she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby's. He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn't matter to him. He told her that his penis was also like a baby's. She said that she loved him and that size didn't matter.
Come the day of their wedding, all went well. That night, the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at a resort hotel. The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby.
"Don't worry, honey," he said.
She took her nightgown off, and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen. He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby.
As he took his pants off, the new bride said, "Good God Almighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby."
"It is," he said. "9 pounds and 21 inches long!"
---
www.jokediary.com - Enjoy.
---
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began. The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
---
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
---
Q. What does a woman say to a man who she has just had sex with?
A. She can say whatever she wants... he's asleep.
---
The blind daters had really hit it off. At the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me if you have any special fetishes that I should know about."
"As a matter of fact," said the girl, "I happen to have a foot fetish. But I suppose I'd settle for seven or eight inches."
---
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."
---
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
---
A man calls the hospital. He shouts into the receiver, "You gotta send some help, and fast! My wife's going into labor!"
The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
"No!" he shouts back. "This is her husband!"
---
The girl admitted under parental questioning that she was pregnant, but couldn't say who was responsible.
"All right !" bellowed her Mother, "you march yourself to your room, and don't come out until you can give us a definite answer."
Later that nite her voice rang down the stairs. "Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now."
"I should hope so !" the Mother responded. "The very idea that any daughter of mine could get pregnant, let alone not know the father."
"Chill Mom." the girl said. "I got it narrowed down to the band or the football team!"
---
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
---
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother,"My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs.Your body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend and he said "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." So he did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." So he did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies "Well they make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"
---
A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," St. Peter says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-6, 280 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.
"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"
"About three minutes ago."
---
---
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began. The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
---
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."
---
Q. What does a woman say to a man who she has just had sex with?
A. She can say whatever she wants... he's asleep.
---
The blind daters had really hit it off. At the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, "Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me if you have any special fetishes that I should know about."
"As a matter of fact," said the girl, "I happen to have a foot fetish. But I suppose I'd settle for seven or eight inches."
---
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."
---
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
---
A man calls the hospital. He shouts into the receiver, "You gotta send some help, and fast! My wife's going into labor!"
The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
"No!" he shouts back. "This is her husband!"
---
The girl admitted under parental questioning that she was pregnant, but couldn't say who was responsible.
"All right !" bellowed her Mother, "you march yourself to your room, and don't come out until you can give us a definite answer."
Later that nite her voice rang down the stairs. "Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now."
"I should hope so !" the Mother responded. "The very idea that any daughter of mine could get pregnant, let alone not know the father."
"Chill Mom." the girl said. "I got it narrowed down to the band or the football team!"
---
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
---
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother,"My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs.Your body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend and he said "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." So he did and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." So he did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies "Well they make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"
---
A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was immanent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," St. Peter says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was drivin' down a road and I saw a giant group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-6, 280 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.
"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"
St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"
"About three minutes ago."
---
sgforums.com.
---
---
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
***********
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
***********
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
***********
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
***********
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
***********
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
***********
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
This train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
***********
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
The game went into extra time.
***********
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
***********
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in
Two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
***********
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
***********
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! This is no time for superstitions.
***********
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
***********
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
Field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
***********
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, Shouting,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
This is what happens when you're not careful. [ AND my hair is rather .. f***-ed up. -.- ]
the sequence of events?
(1) I was in urgent need of the toilet facilities.
(2) I did not notice the floor being wet. [ Mom was moping the floor. ]
(3) But the time I did realize (2), I was already gaining some frequent flyer mileage. [ about .. 30cm? ^^ ]
And I landed hard on my back/shoulder. Strangely, I felt no pain from there .. only that strain on my neck.
And I'll end this with a quote from somebody:
Ouch.
---
The idle mind in me is thinking ..
Thinking how, when I'm covered from head to toe [ in that thick piece of uniform known the whole SAF - over as the No.4 ], that pesky mosquito can still manage to bite me like, 12387189561896237163 times?
And I wonder ..
1) Is my blood type really that nice?
2) Don't this guys have anything better to do? [ like, drowning themselves in the nearby lake!? ]
3) How the f*** did I manage to sleep through all the biting!?
---
And while you guys are here, please do drop by this website. It'll help to pass time and put a smile on your face, no questions asked.
http://www.heppysalmon.com/
And if you're wondering what the commotion is all about .. this video will explain everything.
---
www.sgforums.com - Jokes and Humor forum. Enjoy ~
the sequence of events?
(1) I was in urgent need of the toilet facilities.
(2) I did not notice the floor being wet. [ Mom was moping the floor. ]
(3) But the time I did realize (2), I was already gaining some frequent flyer mileage. [ about .. 30cm? ^^ ]
And I landed hard on my back/shoulder. Strangely, I felt no pain from there .. only that strain on my neck.
And I'll end this with a quote from somebody:
Ouch.
---
The idle mind in me is thinking ..
Thinking how, when I'm covered from head to toe [ in that thick piece of uniform known the whole SAF - over as the No.4 ], that pesky mosquito can still manage to bite me like, 12387189561896237163 times?
And I wonder ..
1) Is my blood type really that nice?
2) Don't this guys have anything better to do? [ like, drowning themselves in the nearby lake!? ]
3) How the f*** did I manage to sleep through all the biting!?
---
And while you guys are here, please do drop by this website. It'll help to pass time and put a smile on your face, no questions asked.
http://www.heppysalmon.com/
And if you're wondering what the commotion is all about .. this video will explain everything.
---
www.sgforums.com - Jokes and Humor forum. Enjoy ~
Regrettably, more bad financial news
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on
Northern Rock in the UK , uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 days:
Origami Bank has folded,
Sumo Bank has gone belly up
Tempura Bank is in hot oil
Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song
shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.
Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks,
Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.
500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
---
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)