This one is for those who need a few laughs ..



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The following requires a little bit of general knowledge ..

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

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A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart
attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'"

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Ah Lian was selling coconut by the coconut tree when Ah Beng come and want to buy.

Ah Beng said, " Hello, I want fresh coconut. You can climb the tree and give me? I will pay you double."

Ah Lian was so happy so she climb up and give him. She then went home and tell her mother but to her suprise, her mother was angry.

" WAH LAO!!! Why you climb?!! He want to see your underwear only lah!!!"

Ah Lian was so embarrassed of her ignorant but still went back to work the next day. Ah Beng came to buy the coconut again and asked for a fresh one. Ah Lian climbed the tree and sell to him for double the price.

Ah Lian went home, tell her mom the same thing.

" WAH LAO!!! Why you climb?!! I already tell you he want to see your underwear only right??!!!"

Ah Lian then quickly replied, " No no mother, you got it wrong lah!! Relax!! I TODAY NEVER WEAR!!!! "

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If there's any reason as to why I'm not going to get any date come this valentine's day, this joke must be it ..

The Top 10 Reasons Why a Handgun is Better Than a Woman

10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.

5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . .
You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

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Just engaged my thinking cap and this came across my mind. The more I think about it, the more I want to laugh, Really.

My orientation driving was done on a 5 - tonner.

My road assessment was also done on a 5 - tonner.

So why is it like 99.9999999% of the time, I'm driving a silly land rover everywhere?