This is touching ..
somebody is very much in love with the 3 singing chipmunks so yeah, time for me to change my blog song eh?
Papa Loves Mambo
Recorded By: Perry Como
Words and Music By: Al Hoffman, Dick Manning, and Bix Reichner
Papa loves mambo
Mama loves mambo
Look at 'em sway with it, gettin' so gay with it
Shoutin' "olé" with it, wow! (ooh!)
Papa loves mambo
(Papa loves mambo)
Mama loves mambo
(Mama loves mambo)
Papa does great with it, swings like a gate with it
Evens his weight with it, now!
He goes to, she goes fro
He goes fast, she goes slow
He goes left 'n' she goes right
(Papa's lookin' for mama but mama is nowhere in sight)
Papa loves mambo
Mama loves mambo
Havin' their fling again, younger than Spring again
Feelin' that zing again, wow! (ooh!)
Papa loves mambo
(Papa loves mambo)
Mama loves mambo
(Mama loves mambo)
Don't let her rumba and don't let her samba
'cause papa loves mama tonight (ooh!)
(Papa loves mambo)(Mama loves mambo)
(Papa loves mambo)(Mama loves mambo)
He goes to, she goes fro
He goes fast, she goes slow
He goes left 'n' she goes right
(Papa's lookin' for mama but mama is nowhere in sight) (ooh!)
Papa loves mambo
(Papa loves mambo)
Mama loves mambo
(Mama loves mambo)
Havin' their fling again, younger than Spring again
Feelin' that zing again, wow! (ooh!)
(Papa loves mambo)
Mambo papa
(Mama loves mambo)
Mambo mama
(Don't let her rumba and don't let her samba)
'cause papa--
Loves a mambo tonight(ooh!)
---
I guess I must be fatigued - My left eye is twitching like mad [ which is a sign of bad luck in chinese superstitions but
what the hell. If it happens, it happens, twitching eyes or not. ]
oh well.
Out.
In about 7hrs and 15 mins' time, my sorry ass will have to be parked at the Multi - purpose hall of Sembawang camp for some glorious morning exercise. Seriously, I'm tempted to throw every vulgarity I know at the jokers who suggested this idea. But well, what to do, when said jokers all have a minimum of 1 Bar on their shoulders?
Other then that .. in other news .. some lucky girl got this. [ i stole this from your blog, don't mind me ya .. hahahahaha ]
And nope, Don't need to ask. I'm not about to change my blog address to www.ihaveagirlfriend.blogspot.com. LOL!
Other then that .. in other news .. some lucky girl got this. [ i stole this from your blog, don't mind me ya .. hahahahaha ]
And nope, Don't need to ask. I'm not about to change my blog address to www.ihaveagirlfriend.blogspot.com. LOL!
New Year Resolutions never really worked with me so I guess I'll coin the term "wishlist" for this simple blog post on the things I want to succeed in come 2008 AD ..
1) Marksmanship badge [ and it's $200 incentive ]
2) Gold for my IPPT [ Also got $200 .. lols ]
3) Civilian Class 3 [ procrastinating about this since forever, so .. -.- ]
4) A FC or 86? [ quite impossible but no harm wishing for one ya .. LOL! ]
5) Lastly, an other half? [ another Mount Everest but still .. ]
Hmm ..
The year hasn't really been as positive as I would really loved it to be. So many downs and so few ups. I thought I could prove myself able to stand tall among the best of the best but nope, I only succeeded in making myself the laughing stock, not just once, twice, thrice BUT time and again [ and again and again and again and again .. ] Everyone called me a fool for doing things that never warranted the merits that could justify the sacrifices I made. Those who know what and whom I'm talking about at this point would just point a finger and say: "You're just looking for trouble." and be on their way, having knew that their advices to me had fallen on ears deaf to kind intentions. But still, with ever that hint of foolishness, of pride and ego, of unconditional love to whatever and whoever I had towards, I did it. Not to say that I am proud to have done it, of course. But what other path could I have took? I really don't know. I weighed all the possibilities there was. I don't wish to justify my choices under the category of "necessary evil" because it sounds like I'm running away from the truth but in a way, it is. I AM RUNNING AWAY.
Hai .. I just wanna be the best there is but then again, it's a long and lonely way to the top and I have just only started ..
1) Marksmanship badge [ and it's $200 incentive ]
2) Gold for my IPPT [ Also got $200 .. lols ]
3) Civilian Class 3 [ procrastinating about this since forever, so .. -.- ]
4) A FC or 86? [ quite impossible but no harm wishing for one ya .. LOL! ]
5) Lastly, an other half? [ another Mount Everest but still .. ]
Hmm ..
The year hasn't really been as positive as I would really loved it to be. So many downs and so few ups. I thought I could prove myself able to stand tall among the best of the best but nope, I only succeeded in making myself the laughing stock, not just once, twice, thrice BUT time and again [ and again and again and again and again .. ] Everyone called me a fool for doing things that never warranted the merits that could justify the sacrifices I made. Those who know what and whom I'm talking about at this point would just point a finger and say: "You're just looking for trouble." and be on their way, having knew that their advices to me had fallen on ears deaf to kind intentions. But still, with ever that hint of foolishness, of pride and ego, of unconditional love to whatever and whoever I had towards, I did it. Not to say that I am proud to have done it, of course. But what other path could I have took? I really don't know. I weighed all the possibilities there was. I don't wish to justify my choices under the category of "necessary evil" because it sounds like I'm running away from the truth but in a way, it is. I AM RUNNING AWAY.
Hai .. I just wanna be the best there is but then again, it's a long and lonely way to the top and I have just only started ..
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the male bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off ‘her’ mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
---
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
---
A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the phone in the kitchen rings.
“Hello,” says the man answering it.
“Hi,” says a high woman’s voice. “This is Tiffany the housekeeper.”
“Oh,” says the man. “Hi Tiffany.”
“Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late. I figured you’d be back later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom.”
“What sort of a problem?”
“Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of emergency money, you know, the one you keep under the matress, it fell out.”
“Well, what’s the problem, Tiffany?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure just where to put it back, so I just put it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate it.”
“Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found that diamond ring you’ve been missing.”
“That’s wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put it?”
“In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!”
“And how did you lock it?”
“First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out and tried the top to make sure it was locked,” says the housekeeper, revealing how well she remembered his instructions.
“Good! And where did you put the key?”
“In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china.”
“Fantastic!” says the man, impressed.
“Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the Porsche in that adorable little box. I know your wife is going to be so surprised.”
“Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany. You are really a great housekeeper.”
“Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night.”
“You too, Tiffany. Good night.”
The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says with a grin, “This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!”
---
A commercial pilot always aggravated the air traffic controllers in the tower with the same joke: when he descended to get ready to land and he came in sight of the airport, he would get on the radio and instead of identifying himself, he would say, "Guess who??"
Well, this got old pretty quick till one evening one of the controllers said "Watch this, you guys, I'm gonna get him good this time!"
So when the pilot pulled his old joke and said "Guess Who??", the air traffic controller extinguished all the lights on the runway and replied, "Guess WHERE??"
---
Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?
Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.
The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.
And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying ''Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now....''
---
And lastly, for those who have trouble with the terms of Marketing, here's a few analogies to help ..
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straightenyour dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your @@^^@^ lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
- That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so She calls you.
- That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb out the sunroof of the car and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
- That's Spam.
---
---------------------------------------------------------------
December 15, 1972
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 16, 1972
Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
All my love, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 17, 1972
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 18, 1972
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 19, 1972
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 20, 1972
John:
What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.
Sincerely, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 21, 1972
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.
Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 22, 1972
Hey !#^&head:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours! Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 23, 1972
You rotten prick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those %!$^s ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of !#^&. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm calling the police on you! Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 24, 1972
Listen **&&head:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy, Agnes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 25, 1972
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole
The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the male bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "
The nun replies by whipping off ‘her’ mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
---
A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
---
A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the phone in the kitchen rings.
“Hello,” says the man answering it.
“Hi,” says a high woman’s voice. “This is Tiffany the housekeeper.”
“Oh,” says the man. “Hi Tiffany.”
“Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late. I figured you’d be back later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom.”
“What sort of a problem?”
“Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of emergency money, you know, the one you keep under the matress, it fell out.”
“Well, what’s the problem, Tiffany?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure just where to put it back, so I just put it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate it.”
“Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found that diamond ring you’ve been missing.”
“That’s wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put it?”
“In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!”
“And how did you lock it?”
“First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out and tried the top to make sure it was locked,” says the housekeeper, revealing how well she remembered his instructions.
“Good! And where did you put the key?”
“In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china.”
“Fantastic!” says the man, impressed.
“Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the Porsche in that adorable little box. I know your wife is going to be so surprised.”
“Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany. You are really a great housekeeper.”
“Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night.”
“You too, Tiffany. Good night.”
The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says with a grin, “This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!”
---
A commercial pilot always aggravated the air traffic controllers in the tower with the same joke: when he descended to get ready to land and he came in sight of the airport, he would get on the radio and instead of identifying himself, he would say, "Guess who??"
Well, this got old pretty quick till one evening one of the controllers said "Watch this, you guys, I'm gonna get him good this time!"
So when the pilot pulled his old joke and said "Guess Who??", the air traffic controller extinguished all the lights on the runway and replied, "Guess WHERE??"
---
Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?
Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.
The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.
And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying ''Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now....''
---
And lastly, for those who have trouble with the terms of Marketing, here's a few analogies to help ..
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straightenyour dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your @@^^@^ lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
- That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so She calls you.
- That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb out the sunroof of the car and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
- That's Spam.
---
lastly, since it's christmas, let's have a christmas - themed joke for a few laughs, eh?
December 14, 1972
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.
My love always, Agnes
-----------------
December 14, 1972
My dearest darling John:
Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.
My love always, Agnes
-----------------
December 15, 1972
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
-----------------
December 16, 1972
Dear John:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
All my love, Agnes
-----------------
December 17, 1972
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
-----------------
December 18, 1972
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
-----------------
December 19, 1972
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.
Cordially, Agnes
-----------------
December 20, 1972
John:
What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.
Sincerely, Agnes
-----------------
December 21, 1972
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.
Agnes
-----------------
December 22, 1972
Hey !#^&head:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours! Agnes
-----------------
December 23, 1972
You rotten prick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those %!$^s ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of !#^&. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm calling the police on you! Agnes
-----------------
December 24, 1972
Listen **&&head:
What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy, Agnes
-----------------
December 25, 1972
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me? '
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??? '
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher. '
---
A little old lady went into the headquarters of a large national bank one day, dragging a large bag behind her. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the heck's the matter with your lawyer?"
"Nothing," she answered, "Except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00AM today, I'd have the president of this bank's balls in my hand."
---
Ever got fed up when people tell you this "You Don't know Jack Shitt [Shit]!"
Now here's a good response, cos we're gonna introduce you to his whole family!
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schittt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children : Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins,, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Mr Sherlock, and because her kids were living with
them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brother in a double wedding ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt.
So now if someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt" you can correct them.
Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family too!
---
A China pumpkin girl was visiting New York,went into a worldwide
message center wanting to send an urgent,important message to her mother
in China. The Italian guy at the counter told her it would cost around
US$100/=. She exclaimed, " I don't have that kind of money,but I will do
anything to get a message to my mother in China !"
The Italian smiled, arched an eyebrow and asked, "Anything?" "Yes, I
promise...anything!" she said. With that, the Italian said, "Follow me."
He led her to the next room and said, "Come in and close the door."
"Get down on your knees!" he ordered. She did. "Unzip me!" he said.
She did.
Then he said, "Go on...take it out." She did and grabbed it with both
hands excitedly.
The Italian closed his eyes and & whispered, "Go ahead girl, what
are you waiting for?
"Ms China pumpkin girl slowly brought her lips closer and said
loudly, " "Hello....hello Ah Mah!!!..can you hear me??"
---
A little post of the happenings in my life for the past few days .. lols.
Met up with the gang of FREE a few days ago at Sakae Sushi, Bugis. Actually, it was more like the half of us - Thomas, Phil, leon, adrian, Hua liang and me - the rest were conspicuously absent. -.- Oh well. I do have a lot to bitch about - noisy atmosphere [ it seems like everyone around us were kind of like shouting away to get themselves heard ], the food took such a long time to arrive [ no thanks to the large crowd of people present in the restaurant ] But, looking on the bright side, I got a complimentary $10 voucher for use at it's Atrium branch. ^^" lols. Anyway, I was rather surprised. A simple tok - cock session passes time like no tomorrow - in a flash, the clock strucked 11 and back home we all went, lols.
In other news, my unit held it's cohesion day [ which basically means a very bo liao until cannot bo liao event ] at sembawang camp. Nothing special there - just a few lame games like tug - of - war with a 5 tonner, changing of tires in the shortest time possible blah blah blah. In fact, I think I'm wasting my energy to even blog about this, LOL! Swept away most of the honours as well - I guess this is what happens when you're the "model of excellence" in the SAF, yeah?
Other then that, She also organized an early Christmas party at St James Powerhouse! Okay la, being a bit frank here, the dancers weren't really that nice to look at but hey, looking at the brighter side of life, it beats looking at the 200++ guys there, right? =P Anyway, Pictures sometime soon. It's not everyday when you get to see 40 year olds doing the Hawaiian dance, lols.
And speaking of Christmas, I realised something.
I don't have anything to do on that day. O.o"
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??? '
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher. '
---
A little old lady went into the headquarters of a large national bank one day, dragging a large bag behind her. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the heck's the matter with your lawyer?"
"Nothing," she answered, "Except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00AM today, I'd have the president of this bank's balls in my hand."
---
Ever got fed up when people tell you this "You Don't know Jack Shitt [Shit]!"
Now here's a good response, cos we're gonna introduce you to his whole family!
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schittt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children : Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins,, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Mr Sherlock, and because her kids were living with
them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently married the Happens brother in a double wedding ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride, Piza Schitt.
So now if someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt" you can correct them.
Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family too!
---
A China pumpkin girl was visiting New York,went into a worldwide
message center wanting to send an urgent,important message to her mother
in China. The Italian guy at the counter told her it would cost around
US$100/=. She exclaimed, " I don't have that kind of money,but I will do
anything to get a message to my mother in China !"
The Italian smiled, arched an eyebrow and asked, "Anything?" "Yes, I
promise...anythin
He led her to the next room and said, "Come in and close the door."
"Get down on your knees!" he ordered. She did. "Unzip me!" he said.
She did.
Then he said, "Go on...take it out." She did and grabbed it with both
hands excitedly.
The Italian closed his eyes and & whispered, "Go ahead girl, what
are you waiting for?
"Ms China pumpkin girl slowly brought her lips closer and said
loudly, " "Hello....hello Ah Mah!!!..can you hear me??"
---
A little post of the happenings in my life for the past few days .. lols.
Met up with the gang of FREE a few days ago at Sakae Sushi, Bugis. Actually, it was more like the half of us - Thomas, Phil, leon, adrian, Hua liang and me - the rest were conspicuously absent. -.- Oh well. I do have a lot to bitch about - noisy atmosphere [ it seems like everyone around us were kind of like shouting away to get themselves heard ], the food took such a long time to arrive [ no thanks to the large crowd of people present in the restaurant ] But, looking on the bright side, I got a complimentary $10 voucher for use at it's Atrium branch. ^^" lols. Anyway, I was rather surprised. A simple tok - cock session passes time like no tomorrow - in a flash, the clock strucked 11 and back home we all went, lols.
In other news, my unit held it's cohesion day [ which basically means a very bo liao until cannot bo liao event ] at sembawang camp. Nothing special there - just a few lame games like tug - of - war with a 5 tonner, changing of tires in the shortest time possible blah blah blah. In fact, I think I'm wasting my energy to even blog about this, LOL! Swept away most of the honours as well - I guess this is what happens when you're the "model of excellence" in the SAF, yeah?
Other then that, She also organized an early Christmas party at St James Powerhouse! Okay la, being a bit frank here, the dancers weren't really that nice to look at but hey, looking at the brighter side of life, it beats looking at the 200++ guys there, right? =P Anyway, Pictures sometime soon. It's not everyday when you get to see 40 year olds doing the Hawaiian dance, lols.
And speaking of Christmas, I realised something.
I don't have anything to do on that day. O.o"
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death." says the second.
"That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first.
"It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second.
"I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head.
"that's so ironic" he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
---
One afternoon, Jake is driving down a highway to spend some time at a lake and relax. On his way to the lake, he spots a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway, gesturing for him to stop.
Jake rolls down his window and asks, "How can I help you?"
"I'm the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?" the guy in red says.
Smiling, Jake hands the guy a sandwich and drives away. A few short minutes later, Jake comes across another guy. This guy is dressed completely in yellow, and he's standing on the side, motioning for Jake to stop.
Slightly annoyed, Jake stops, rolls down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?"
"I'm the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?" the guy in yellow asks.
Barely managing a smile, Jake hands the guy a can of soda and takes off again. Wanting to reach the lake before sunset, he decides to go faster and not stop, no matter what.
Much to his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road. This guy is dressed in blue and is signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, Jake stops one last time, rolls down his window, and screams, "Let me guess. You must be the blue jerk of the highway. Just what the hell do you wanna have?"
"Driver's license and registration, please!"
---
A man asks his native friend, “How do the natives name their offspring?”
The native friend explains, “Whenever a baby is born, his father wanders outside, absorbs the wonder of nature and then names his child after the first thing he sees. When my brother was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing my father saw was a beautiful red deer running off into the forest... and so he was named Running Red Deer. When my sister was born, she was named White Snow Gently Falling because that was the first thing my father saw when he looked out of the tent.” He then asks the man, “ Why are you asking?”
“I’m just curious, Two Dogs Fcking.”
---
This one's creative :)
A girl from Tibet went to Shanghai for job interview. To test her English, the boss ask her to create sentences with, Green, Pink,Yellow, Blue, White,Purple and Black.
She answered: I hear phone Green Green, then I Pink up the phone and say Yellow, Blues that? White did you say, oh wrong number, don't Purplely disturb people and don't call black again ok?
Boss say: You can go Black and wait for phone green green.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death." says the second.
"That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first.
"It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second.
"I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head.
"that's so ironic" he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
---
One afternoon, Jake is driving down a highway to spend some time at a lake and relax. On his way to the lake, he spots a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway, gesturing for him to stop.
Jake rolls down his window and asks, "How can I help you?"
"I'm the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?" the guy in red says.
Smiling, Jake hands the guy a sandwich and drives away. A few short minutes later, Jake comes across another guy. This guy is dressed completely in yellow, and he's standing on the side, motioning for Jake to stop.
Slightly annoyed, Jake stops, rolls down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?"
"I'm the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?" the guy in yellow asks.
Barely managing a smile, Jake hands the guy a can of soda and takes off again. Wanting to reach the lake before sunset, he decides to go faster and not stop, no matter what.
Much to his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road. This guy is dressed in blue and is signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, Jake stops one last time, rolls down his window, and screams, "Let me guess. You must be the blue jerk of the highway. Just what the hell do you wanna have?"
"Driver's license and registration, please!"
---
A man asks his native friend, “How do the natives name their offspring?”
The native friend explains, “Whenever a baby is born, his father wanders outside, absorbs the wonder of nature and then names his child after the first thing he sees. When my brother was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing my father saw was a beautiful red deer running off into the forest... and so he was named Running Red Deer. When my sister was born, she was named White Snow Gently Falling because that was the first thing my father saw when he looked out of the tent.” He then asks the man, “ Why are you asking?”
“I’m just curious, Two Dogs Fcking.”
---
This one's creative :)
A girl from Tibet went to Shanghai for job interview. To test her English, the boss ask her to create sentences with, Green, Pink,Yellow, Blue, White,Purple and Black.
She answered: I hear phone Green Green, then I Pink up the phone and say Yellow, Blues that? White did you say, oh wrong number, don't Purplely disturb people and don't call black again ok?
Boss say: You can go Black and wait for phone green green.
Life in Mandai Hill camp hasn't really been as engaging as I thought it would be. For the past few days, more time was spent sleeping/eating/PSP/sai kang than on actual driving. Perhaps the timing of which I arrived into camp is to be blamed - they were, after all, in the process of revamping the whole system [ which, I would like to add - it basically turns us drivers into mindless robots, but how/what/where/when/why, heh. That's another story for another time ] And it doesn't help much when I need to finish my orientation driving [ of 1,000 KM ] before I can be put onto the duty roster.
And good news though. I am eligible for the driving license ONLY AFTER 22 months of National Service + 7,000 KM mileage. Meaning to say that, I'll only see that green card 2 months before I ORD. WONDERFUL LAH. Makes me wonder why the hell I procrastinated so much about it back then. I guess it's time to finish what I started, yeah?
Anyway, Christmas is around the corner. And speaking of which ..
Santa, can you give me a girlfriend for Christmas? =P
And good news though. I am eligible for the driving license ONLY AFTER 22 months of National Service + 7,000 KM mileage. Meaning to say that, I'll only see that green card 2 months before I ORD. WONDERFUL LAH. Makes me wonder why the hell I procrastinated so much about it back then. I guess it's time to finish what I started, yeah?
Anyway, Christmas is around the corner. And speaking of which ..
Santa, can you give me a girlfriend for Christmas? =P
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress.How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
---
This joke's really old, but hey, a joke's a joke ..
hua Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius ...
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load(road),den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah !Use your Blain(brain), use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight (correct) or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn . you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... best in Singapore and JB, and some say Batam also ah !!!
---
Hello Kitty awakens during the night to find her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of the night?".
Ah lau looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do" she replies.
Ah lau paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?".
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
Ah lau continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or i'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have been released today."
---
I'm a bit lazy [ as usual -.- ] so I guess I'll leave the blogging to tomorrow ..
In the meantime, good night [ or rather, morning :) ] all.
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
---
This joke's really old, but hey, a joke's a joke ..
hua Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius ...
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load(road),den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah !Use your Blain(brain), use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight (correct) or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn . you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... best in Singapore and JB, and some say Batam also ah !!!
---
Hello Kitty awakens during the night to find her husband was not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of the night?".
Ah lau looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do" she replies.
Ah lau paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?".
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
Ah lau continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or i'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have been released today."
---
I'm a bit lazy [ as usual -.- ] so I guess I'll leave the blogging to tomorrow ..
In the meantime, good night [ or rather, morning :) ] all.
For a spot of humor, eh?
17. Pray for Mercy, Sucker!
16. Prepare My Shit-List
15. Precarious Mental State
14. Punching Men Senseless
13. Pit Bull in Mini-skirt and Stilettos
12. Pouty Mouth Syndrome
11. Punish My Spouse
10. Please Meet Satan
9. Pass My Shotgun
8. Psychotic Mood Shift
7. Perpetual Munching Spree
6. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make Me Sick
4. Provide Me with Sweets
3. Pardon My Sobbing
2. Pimples May Surface
1. Putting up with Men's Shit
From a Male Perspective:
1. Protect My Scrotum (from incoming kick in the balls)
2. Pleasant Mammary Swellings
Things that PMS stands for:
From a Female Perspective:17. Pray for Mercy, Sucker!
16. Prepare My Shit-List
15. Precarious Mental State
14. Punching Men Senseless
13. Pit Bull in Mini-skirt and Stilettos
12. Pouty Mouth Syndrome
11. Punish My Spouse
10. Please Meet Satan
9. Pass My Shotgun
8. Psychotic Mood Shift
7. Perpetual Munching Spree
6. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make Me Sick
4. Provide Me with Sweets
3. Pardon My Sobbing
2. Pimples May Surface
1. Putting up with Men's Shit
From a Male Perspective:
1. Protect My Scrotum (from incoming kick in the balls)
2. Pleasant Mammary Swellings
Thanks for the jokes. [ you know who you are .. ]
Can't imagine life without your E - mails dude ..
---
A woman wakes up in the middle of the night when she hears noise in the corridor.
Panicked, she shakes up the guy sleeping next to her saying: 'wake up, get the hell out, my husband is coming!'
The guys wakes up from a deep sleep and hurries to the window and jumps out.
He lands butt naked in a spiny rose bush, 1 floor down.
He then walks back in the house, covered in blood and dirt, up into the bedroom and yells:
'Betty, I am you F#@%ing husband!!'
---
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function.
He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am , drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed.....
"Leave me alone, b*tch, I'm married!!!".
Can't imagine life without your E - mails dude ..
---
A woman wakes up in the middle of the night when she hears noise in the corridor.
Panicked, she shakes up the guy sleeping next to her saying: 'wake up, get the hell out, my husband is coming!'
The guys wakes up from a deep sleep and hurries to the window and jumps out.
He lands butt naked in a spiny rose bush, 1 floor down.
He then walks back in the house, covered in blood and dirt, up into the bedroom and yells:
'Betty, I am you F#@%ing husband!!'
---
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function.
He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am , drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed.....
"Leave me alone, b*tch, I'm married!!!".
Three men were sitting together recounting how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He said he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Irish girl.
He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
---
Woman power eh?
Okay, jokes aside. As of tomorrow, the 7th of December, 2007, I am attached to Mandai Hill camp. [ for the simple reason that they don't have enough drivers there -.-""" ] ZZZ. And just like that, the army has dashed my dreams of being a stay - out personnel. I must really wonder what I did to piss off the big guy up there, yeah? But anyway, so many others before my time have it worst then me [ and not to forget, there's 13 other jokers who are suffering from the same fate as me ] and heh, I don't really have much to bitch about either, do I?
[Sarcasm] Well, other then that, there's also a bit of a cheer this festive season. I will need about 6,400km worth of mileage to convert to my civilian class 3. [/Sarcasm]
Heh. Isn't my life wonderful?
The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He said he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an Irish girl.
He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
---
Woman power eh?
Okay, jokes aside. As of tomorrow, the 7th of December, 2007, I am attached to Mandai Hill camp. [ for the simple reason that they don't have enough drivers there -.-""" ] ZZZ. And just like that, the army has dashed my dreams of being a stay - out personnel. I must really wonder what I did to piss off the big guy up there, yeah? But anyway, so many others before my time have it worst then me [ and not to forget, there's 13 other jokers who are suffering from the same fate as me ] and heh, I don't really have much to bitch about either, do I?
[Sarcasm] Well, other then that, there's also a bit of a cheer this festive season. I will need about 6,400km worth of mileage to convert to my civilian class 3. [/Sarcasm]
Heh. Isn't my life wonderful?
This is old, but still, funny.
I still remember the day when everyone was like, going to chop me up and use my bones for curry for the stupid reason of not having a tagboard on my blog. Now, I have one up, only to see that nobody is spamming away -.-. So, do me a little favour and tag? [ at least, once in a while? I do appreciate a bit of quiet - ness now and then but not this quiet .. -.- ]
Lols.
Been doing soul - searching, aplenty. I thought I had it all answered and explained. But no. There's still a lot of fears within me, a lot of questions still unanswered. I'm still confused. That light at the end of the tunnel didn't meant peace for me. It just simply meant that there was still a lot more things I must do.
It's a long way to the top ..
I still remember the day when everyone was like, going to chop me up and use my bones for curry for the stupid reason of not having a tagboard on my blog. Now, I have one up, only to see that nobody is spamming away -.-. So, do me a little favour and tag? [ at least, once in a while? I do appreciate a bit of quiet - ness now and then but not this quiet .. -.- ]
Lols.
Been doing soul - searching, aplenty. I thought I had it all answered and explained. But no. There's still a lot of fears within me, a lot of questions still unanswered. I'm still confused. That light at the end of the tunnel didn't meant peace for me. It just simply meant that there was still a lot more things I must do.
It's a long way to the top ..
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