Weather - Just Nice.
Mood - Neutral.
Song - Dogfight - M.O.V.E
Time - 2353 Hrs

just a little post before i go get some zzz. school starts at 8 tomorrow, so ya. can't really be late, can i?

the past two days, i have spent a fair amount of time. thinking. Who are really the people i can call friends? Who are the people i can really depend on when everything just seems so wrong? Who are the people i can really trust? Simply put, i donno who i should really so call "friend" with now. really donno. is it just me thinking too much? Donno. i find that everyone seems to be using me for their own ends. yep. just use, then discard me when they're done. and yes, at this point, it does seem appropriate for me to quote a single person or perhaps parties that i feel are involved. but no, better not. this kind of things are sensitive in nature and i don wish to hurt any innocent parties that may find themselves unwittingly be dragged into this litte fuss of mine. at times, i really wish there was something, like a sure - fire solution to problems like this. instead, now, everything's so gray. things are not like last time; you're either white; if not, you're black. end of story. but no, doesn't work that way. hai~ really. but well, here's a that silly little quiz again. quite a bit of food for thought here. and yeah, plenty of thanks to jolynn yet again ~

At this time you are really feeling quite exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling that is going on about you and you are looking for some sort of protection from this state of affairs. Ideally you are seeking a peaceful condition and a tranquil environment in which you can be afforded the chance to relax and recover......

Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

It is strange that the anxiety that you are experiencing at this time is of your own making simply because of your desire to be respected by your fellow man and with those whom you work with. You are not satisfied. The normal congenial 'you' is becoming quite introverted. This is becoming increasingly more obvious because you seem to shy away from participating in everyday activities. You are refusing to allow yourself to become involved or to participate with others and it is the reluctance to communicate that is the inherent cause of your problems.

Weather - calm
Mood - trying hard to :) . but.. -.-
Song - Wu Ke Qun - Chan Fei
Time - 2022 Hrs

just downloaded this song. quite nice le. at least. it speak volumes about my feelings at the moment.

but anyway. just to update bah.. waiting for my DOTA kakis to come up then off i go.

this few days, i can proudly declare that i am offically a NO - LIFE person. school, home, games. no go out [ or at least only thursday, when i went jp to meet ah gong. ]. even my parents are abit O.o at the sight of their dear son sitting at home and in front of the com DOTA - ing like some mad freak. hahaha~ can't be blamed. i always do all the "weird" things when i'm heartbroken. but fret not, good friends of mine. lance isn't about to go crazy. well, at least for the next 5 minutes. after that, i can't guarantee anything. lol. okay. that was lame =X

so well, i have done it. i'm now in the UGC for initial D. both stock and tuned. can't really let down my guard now; all the pros are here. as much as i would like to say that i will own everyone in the compy, i should really just be realistic. as in train like mad and pray for the best. lol. in any case, yesterday's UGC qualifier at tpy was such a bomb. well, it's really about kaiqi and tong lam bah. as one should know by now, kaiqi was kicked out of the stock category at the last minute by tong lam. LOL. owned. song boh ~ after that, went down to atrium to meet ah gong who was the official for the House Of The Dead 4 compy. returned him the 10 bucks i borrowed from him on thursday. and yes, of all days to come, i suddenly developed a bloody headache -_________- . WAS going to go home and sleep it off but ah gong , after much pyscho - ing, pulled me down to jp. cannot blame. brother is brother. can't bail out on him now, can i? oh well. so ya. pulled myself together for a mad ID spree. learnt a few things; hopefully, come UGC, i'll put everything to good use. after that, home, a bath, and ZZZs.

lastly, today. about the same as every other sunday, went down suntec with parents. and yes, i should really stop feeding kazer honey stars. damned dulan. cannot keep up with you ah. zzz. well. lose some, win some. brought this new game; it's called company of heroes. wow. LOVE THIS GAME. try to imagine something like dawn of war, world war 2 style. haha.~

ah. my kakis are here. i'm off to dota. cya around ppl..~~

Weather - Sunny
Mood - Can't really describe..
Song - N/A
Time - 09.11 A.M.

just woke up. couldn't really sleep last night. Guessed that after hearing rain got attached, all the memories flooded back into me. well. i really am at wit's end. not sure what can be done anymore. oh well. anyway. just did this little quiz. it's called: What Kind Of Seducer Are You? the address for it - http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofseducerare
youquiz/ and yep. here:

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

Weather - cooling, abit of breeze..
Mood - alternating between sleepiness and sianzation..
Song - Theme Song - Mission impossible 3
Time - 12.57 A.M.

as of right now, this poor guy can't sleep. and so, someone is striking it lucky that she has this guy helping her dl and compress songs at the moment, lol. anyway, like i said earlier, congrats girl. attached liao hor. lol. ya. you now got someone to bitch your daily life and troubles to. so ya. less bitching to me. :) hehehehe..

anyway, haven't really been up to much this few days. just the normal stuffs. let's see. saturday. okay la. i was supposed to be at the UGC qualifiers at Ang Mo Kio, but well. lazy. so ya. in the end. slacked around with rain and tong at ps. xD and well, that, and a bit of wangan, ID, DOTA, battlefield 2. [ we went to this little lan cafe nearby prinsep street, so ya. ] i'm surprised. my skill is still okay, considering the fact that i havent really touched the game in quite a while. hahahahaha~~ but well. in any case, we caught the 1.30 AM movie. Casino Royale. w00ts!~ good one. also yet again, pls go watch it, ladies and gentlemen. LOL.

and ya. sunday. finally, i decided to pull up my socks that little bit more and go down hougang mall with my parents for the qualifiers. the map turned out to be Akina DH wet. and not to sound arrogant; but well. that wasn't much of a prob. managed to qualify for the stock category, but well. fucked up the tuned category. dammit. big mistake at the RHOD, if not. well. i would have gone in. so well, i'll have to wait till next week, where the qualifiers go to TPY. and hopefully, no fuck ups like this one, yea?

hai~ well. i'm at a loss of words. donno what i should do, or say. or even tink ba. ditto. but it's really like what the quiz in my earlier entries say. i have tried this, tried that, tried whatever possible and within my means. but nothing seems to work. frustrations, tensions and what have you of every sort imaginable to the human brain has really taken root in me. i'm tinking about you, day or night, rain or shine [ and yes, maybe snow. that is. if singapore ever snows. lol. lame -.- ] and what can i do about it? NOTHING. just like what the quiz says. tsk tsk.. oh well. night. like someone told me, not much use to tink so much also. so ya. zzz

Weather - COOLING..
Mood - Frustrated..
Song - Zhou Jie Lun - Xin Yu
Time - 08.16 A.M.

just woke up not long ago. i donno how to explain this, but i really can't explain and link how fucked up my life is with doing the same quiz one more time. lol. anyway;

Enough is enough - you feel frustrated and rejected. You are fighting back and the going is tough. It would be just wonderful if you could be left in peace.

All of your dreams and hopes have not materialised and consequently you are unsure of which way to go. This uncertainty has led to considerable stress but you have sufficient 'strength of mind' to overcome this state of affairs although it will take some time.

Nothing seems to be going right for you and you are thwarted every way you turn. You are not at all happy with the situation but it would appear that there is very little that you can do about it at this time. Sit back and let the situation take its course, because at this time you feel that there is nothing you can do to change whatever needs to be changed.

Whatever has caused the situation, you just don't seem to be able to sustain or maintain relationships as you would wish to. What you really seek is to be able to develop a relationship with someone with whom you can truly share: Love, Serenity, Peace and Quiet. But you are a very demanding person and it is your nature that leads to disquiet and discord: you are like the tide, flotsam and jetsam... One minute you experience 'highs' and a few moments later 'lows'. This obviously will introduce discord into any relationship and with this demanding attitude - the ideal state you desire is unable to develop. Despite the urge to gratify your natural desires, you impose a considerable self-restraint on your instincts in the belief that this demonstrates your superiority and raises you above the common herd. You are extremely critical of everything that is presently going on around you and you find it difficult to listen to or to take advice from anyone. You enjoy the original, the ingenious and the subtle.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognised as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfil this 'complex' by ensuring you are the centre of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

those who are reading, feel free to comment. i could use the criticism. or praise. or whatever.

anyway, a update of the past few days.

Saturday -

well. finally, we cremated my ah ma. Mandai Crematorium/Colubarium [ think thats how it's spelled, lol ] Her ashes are now stored at the nearby Colubarium. Plot No. 0233. there's a story as to why this plot was chosen though. the 02 is for the day that when my grandpa passes on, his ashes will be placed together with ah ma so that they may continue their journey in the heavens together. the 33 is as that in chinese, we use this to denote the abundance of water and the presence of a nearby artifical "mountain" to help ensure that they have an abundance of whatever they may need up there. heh. and well. after the proceedings, it was too late for the UGC qualifiers, so no choice, straight to ps for a little game with leon. gladly got myself thrashed, 5-1. lol. oh well. n00b mah. so cannot blame. anyway, after that, straight to bugis i went. met up with rain and tong, played quite a few games before we left to eat steamboat. lol. $12 per person, i tink. anyway, thanks for the treat also, rain. the food is quite nice. but well. i only grouse the fact that there isn't any aircon there. lol. but well. after that. went down to cathy. caught the covenant. and yes, someone is kpkb - ing that i SLEPT THROUGH HALF THE MOVIE. LOL! seriously, paiseh. was abit tired + aircon and seat also so shiok. so zzz i went. lol. but well, did manage to see the show at one part or another la. okay la. but i still tink that they machiam renacting dragonball lidat. ending part the time. everyone starts playing around with semi - invisible balls. -_________- but other then that, give it a try guys. go watch ^^

Sunday -

out with parents bah. suntec city and all. met up with kazer for a few games of wangan. was intending to do whatever i could with regards to the LovE. R32. [ fucked it all up a few days later at jp. car got shaded at stage 65. and since i have no money and time to go chiong 5k mileage for 815hp, i tink i'll go back to my FD. ] well, it's ironic. since i fucked up my love life, the car gets fucked up as well. heh. and speaking of wangan, i will be stopping it for now. why? well. like what ah gong told me, you need to concentrate on one thing. can't really do two things at a time. and
i really want to get better in ID. so no choice. sacrifice wangan bah. oh well.

Wednesday -

okay la. i skipped monday and tuesday. but well. nothing much to blog about also. just to school from back. so ya. blog what? lol. anyway. yesterday's was ah gong's bird day. 18 years liao. lol. nothing much, just a quiet celebration at his house. compared to last year, this one sounds like a dead circus. apart from kazer and ah gong trying to gay me, nothing much to report, but i did blow like 30-40 bucks on drinks/cab fare/pizza hut for the birthday. lol. and at a time when every cent counts, i go pull this kind of stunt -.- hehe.. but it's worth it la. for a good friend like him, yeap. worth it. after that, took a bus down to jp. ID quite abit, and plenty of thanks to york for lending me quite a bit of money to play ba. will return asap. haha..~~

well. that's about it i guess.. till next time. out.

Weather - cool
Mood - Unsure of the mood i am in now..
Song - Liang Jing Ru - Si Lu
Time - 10.55 P.M.

Taken from jolynn's blog.. it's a quiz of sorts, at - http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm. anyway. it's so damned true that if it's any more true, i think i may need to look for the author of this quiz and ask him if he/she have been stalking me -_____________-

At this time you are feeling 'uptight' and you are urgently in need of rest and relaxation; but perhaps even more than that you need to overcome that feeling that you have been 'hard done by' and treated with a complete lack of consideration. Maybe you have, but whatever may have been the cause of your inherent anxiety, you regard the situation as intolerable. Your are, however, sufficiently competent to turn that situation around - you have overcome similar problems in the past, and really this one isn't too different.

Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.

You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.

Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.

The tensions and stresses that you have experienced of late have been the result of trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond your capabilities. You feel completely inadequate to cope with the situation and you would like nothing better to escape from it all and to be able to relax in a problem and pressure free environment where you can do your thing.

Weather - Cooling
Mood - Sleepy
Song - The Sounds of Cars Zooming Down the PIE..
Time - 2.56 A.M.

changed my blogskin a few days ago. the reason why i'm using this blogskin is that it really suits my mood now. yep. like the words. Alone In The Rain. hai~ now, i'm just missing a tagboard and my blog is complete. but well, donno what tagboard to use le.. -.-

well, the past few days have passed by rather peacefully. as expected in my capacity as the oldest child in the family, i had to attend ah ma's funeral [ with the exception of wednesday and thursday in which i will explain in detail later, lol ] . nothing much to do. just sit there and attend to the proceedings. anyway, i don't think the persons involved are reading this. but. a very big thanks to all who have come to pay their respects and donated generously. and well.. we going to cremate her today. the funeral procession will leave Kallang Bahru for Mandai Crematorium at about 8. so ya. also, everyone plans to do this one last favour for her. before we leave, we're going to sing this one song. i don't really know the hanyu pingyin for it but in english, a rough translation will be " Mother is always the best " and yes, ah ma, if you're reading this.. we'll all miss you..

hai~ don't really want to tink too much also. anyway, as i mentioned earlier, i wasn't there at the funeral on wednesday and thursday. well. let's see;

Wednesday -

was out at jp. rain jio me go there tune car. nope, didn't work out that way. when we got there, there was like 1924789175 ppl waiting for their turn. so abit sian 1/2. went down long john silver for breakfast. well. i can say that i am swakoo. yes, in all my life, i haven't really eaten Long John Silver's breakfast before. LOL. =X anyway, finished breakfast, walked back up. still alot of ppl. -.- in the end, went over to starfac to play. bumped into joe, who promptly decided to play along. had quite a few games, kio quite a few sai also =X after that, headed over to the kopitiam nearby for a few drinks and a bit of a chit chat with joe. and well, joe's quite the businessman now. WOW TCG cards anyone? lol. so ya. having finished our drinks, we bidded our goodbyes to joe and went down PS; rain to meet tong and me to meet ah gong and york. and well. i have to say bah. the time i wait for ah gong is perhaps even longer then i waiting for rain. and there's no bias to that, lol. seriously. i mean. i can understand if rain needs to dress up but well.. gong ah.. you are a guy le.. and guys are supposed to be faster xD hahahaha.. in any case. ah gong didn't get the FD model after all. instead, he opted for a jigsaw puzzle of minnie mouse. and yes, he's going to fix it and give it to his minnie mouse as a present. zai hor? lol. anyway, we went back jp after that. ID and all. done with that, back home we went. and that concludes wednesday =P

Thursday -

went back down jp again. ah gong's little match with kaiqi. good game for the two of them. though kaiqi lost 7-3, the impact on the both of them could be termed as enormous. both of them should have learnt quite a bit of things here. and perhaps with that, they both will become better, not just in initial D, but in real life as well. anyway, the both of them have made up and is sort of living out a "truce" [ i lack a better word to describe the friendship between the both of them ] but one thing really made me go -__________________________- . rain ah. how come match at jp become match at ps ah -.- lol. too much of someone liao la you.. xD after the match, dined and tok cock at mac before going home. hehe..

but well. coming back to the present. it's not always the happy ending, that's all i can say. while ah gong has his ah ma to sayang; while kaiqi learns to control that temper and ego and what have you. i turn the spotlight to myself. i'm still thinking about you. ya. we both promised each other. me. to forget about you and start anew, you. to correct your own mistakes and change for the better. but well, i can't do it. i just can't. time and again, i told myself to give it all up. only to fail in the end. hai~~ donno what i should do..

Weather - Cloudy
Mood - Sadded
Song - Tian Kong - Jolin
Time - 11.51 A.M.

I feel very lost at the moment. this morning, Grandma just passed away. to say the truth, i was half prepared for that. after recovering from that stroke and having just got back home, she collasped. they say she's been bleeding internally from some of her old wounds. she was rushed to TTSH. i managed to see her yesterday though. she was suffering badly. doctor said she had phlegm in the throat, making it hard for her to talk or even breathe properly. but i did manage to speak to her though. or rather, i didn't even open my mouth. she did all the talking. left me with a few words. she told me to complete my studies and NS, get a good career, go for that car and license, and lastly, as a bit of a joke, she wants to live to see the day i get married. -____________________- well, with my love life as it is, i don't tink that will happen anytime soon. hai~ Rest In Peace bah.. i'll do it. i don't care what will happen, but no matter what, one day, i'll make you proud.

and well, this few days.. engrossed i have been. was out for a bit of LAN gaming on wednesday with the class peeps. johnny, joei, seng, ken, shi yong, me. played quite a bit of DOTA, about 3 - 4 matches. won some, lost some. then switched to underground [ in which i disconnect, WTF -.- ] and lastly, CS. well. i dominated the whole game, lol. but there's nothing to be proud of, my standard has really dropped and my friends aren't really that good either. oh well.

Friday. went out to vivocity with the class peeps again. caught The Guardian. it's quite a touching show. it's just basically about this guy who loses his whole team in a helicopter crash while attempting to rescue the crew of a fishing boat. to help put the past behind him, his superior posts him back to training school as an instructor so that he can pick up the pieces. he then meets this guy who ironically, is in somewhat the same situation as he is. and ya, what happens afterwards.. go watch. worth a try, lol.

Saturday. had a little game with Wind. he wanted a friendly game and ya, i have no reason to decline. won him 5 - 1, but it doesnt really matter. he says he wants a rematch as he doesn't really agree with the machines there. oh well. i told him i'm fine with it, but just msg me when and where you want your rematch, lol. after that, slacked abit with the usual gang at atrium. chit chat abit, then went up to that xing xing gong chang. haha~ saw no one. weird -.- so msg rain and asked her where she was. nb, she was at PC bunk downstairs -.-"""" oh well. met up with her, watched her and tong play audition.. after that, walked backed up to ps. rain was bitching about cong who perhaps at the most inappropriate time possible was sort of demanding rain to help him look at the times of the movie screenings. oh well, as fast as the dark clouds came, it also went away just as fast [ with cong's apology, lol ] hmm. having done that, back to where i started. xing xing gong chang. look see abit, then left. brought tickets to the show Flushed Away, then down we went. to toast box to eat. not bad, in fact, can say quite nice also. lol. oh well, after eating [ and with plenty of thanks to tong for her r32 DCD ] we went back up. did a r32 for wangan, nick's LovE. why the nick? well, this car.. i can only say that i'm dedicating this not to her, but to my future love [ or rather if i do get a girl in the near future, lol ]. it's now about basic tuned, and perhaps with a bit more, i should be able to full tune it in time for my match against leon next week. but that's another story for another time, so ya. after tat, we went in for the movie. Flushed Away. VERY DE FUNNY AH! HAHAHAHAHA!~ from the slimes that provided the background music for the movie to the many comical moments in the movie, i really enjoyed the show. can say $9.50 well spent. also a recommended go - watch - this - show for those who havent, lol. after the show, spent a bit of time just slacking around with everyone before bidding my goodbyes to rain and tong who left to ton with shak and aloy. and crap, i took the wrong bus home -__________________- mistaken 64 for 65, lol -.- ended up in a cab right home. was immediately bombarded by ah gong, who really pissed at kaiqi. dammit, it's all just a game. and they two are gunning for each other's throat -.- now, ah gong has proposed a little game to kaiqi. loser cut cards and quit team. yep, like rain said, it's all very childish and immature. but well. at times like this, i mentioned before. we throw common sense out of the window. haha. don't what i should do. but well, i'll say my piece on match day itself.

Sunday. out with parents. went quite a few places. got myself Need For Speed: Carbon. nice game. and yes, someone should tink about upgrading the com and getting this game as well. the last i checked, there's a lamborghini murcielago inside xD. ended the day at kushin bo. dong dong dong, one, two, three, weeee .. areee .. kushin bo~~ haha~ due to some things, didn't really have much of an appetite to eat, but well, food's good. free flow of everything at $31 per person. quite a bargain [ provided you can really eat, lol. ] but well. got a msg from rain who asked me how to upload songs onto friendster. helped out abit but well, grr. got abit flustered, asked her to wait for me to get back home and then help her upload the songs she wants. lol. so well, helped her out liao, then went to play. the need for speed series never looked so good. lol. excellent graphics and quite a storyline there as well. the playing part, i tink i will reserve my judgement till i played more. haha~~

well, off to school i go.. bye ppl ~